walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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