Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
