More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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