I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
