I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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