Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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