Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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