i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
