it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When are your genitals available?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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