dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
