I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
