i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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