Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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