Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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