Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
