Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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