Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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