Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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