Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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