Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize