Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
