tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
