You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
