well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
