I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
