Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
