Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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