...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
