dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
