You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
