I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
