The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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