How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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