On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
