I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
