Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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