Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
either way he was missing a nipple.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
