I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
