i think my mom watched the whole time
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
