I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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