so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
