It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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