just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
