I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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