why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
