he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
