3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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