She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
