if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize