With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
