I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
