Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
