what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
