ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
