I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
