is your mom at the bar?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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