Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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