Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
