I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize