Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
