When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
