Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
