when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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