A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
