Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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