Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
