dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
