she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
