You can't special order awesome
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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