I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
