it was like his penis was on wheels.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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