he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.