he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
