Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
