Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
