ya dads aren't the best wingmen
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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