i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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