I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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