Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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