i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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