Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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