the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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