JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
