screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
