Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
