Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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