Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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