I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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