If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
