pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
