He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize